Nothing left to say

January 2, 2010 at 8:51 am (Uncategorized)

Remember what we used to say?
Everything. We said it all.
Through the happy, and the sad.
So much good, and so much bad.
The deepest and strongest
I’d ever known before
But never quite enough.
It’s long, long gone.
Remembering what we’ve said before-
Wanting to add to the mess.
But a few more words are nothing new
they just join the settled dust
What more can you say?
When everything’s been said.
The words I sometimes think to you,
stay in my head.
I guess it’s better if they go unsaid.
Because what can I say,
that’s not a repeat?
It’s over and done,
And you’re long, long gone.
If our hearts could forget
how the words once burned
what would we say?
would it be like before?
when we could say anything,
when we could do anything
You and I have changed,
my friend from days long past
but if we met for the first time today,
would it be like it was before?
so once again I think to myself
it’d be nice to meet as strangers
Then the words once spoken
would be renewed.
arranged to say different things
The hearts would start on different planes
and uphill would be
the only path to remain
And who knows where
we’d go this time
The words would take us a different way
But even if words were far and few
At least there would always
be more to say.

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December 31, 2009 at 10:02 am (Uncategorized)




They are so interconnected with every moment, every thought.

They are the basis of every opinion and value we hold.

Every pain that once tore our hearts, is held within memory;

memory of wounds that, with time are either old scars, or recurring cuts;

or with the grace of our Father, new flesh, healed to perfection,

renewed day by day, never to be torn open again.

Every joy we have ever known, is stored within

our everlasting souls, brought back to the surface

of that deep well, when the present

finds a point of reference within the span of our lives.

Our memory is the keeper of that vault in our soul

which holds within it the essence

of our existence in every today.


Memory has been both friend and foe.

It has the curious ability to impact every moment,

as a reminder, a warning, a laugh, a tear,

a wound, or a hope… the days we live now, will

bring influence to the years of our future.

But, I wonder, there must be some way

to make every memory a blessing…

to totally heal those memories that have only ever brought pain,

and to appreciate without wistful longing,

those moments of joy, never again repeated.

These memories… the haunts of past wounds,

the torture of wishful and impossible longing,

They MUST be dealt with if we are to live in peace and



Memories must not be avoided or hidden. There are only two paths

for hidden things in our hearts. They are either one day

brought into the painful glare of unwanted light,

weaponized in our moment of weakness,

shunned and shamed, bringing fresh waves of old hurt;

Or they are covered with fearful layer upon layer

of a hard casing that more than accomplishes it’s purpose,

burying not only the memory, but also the emotions and

feelings attatched, suffocating vital areas of our

sensitive, living, feeling hearts.

If they are uncovered, they will wound us afresh,

claiming their final triumph over us, and throwing in our faces

that stab of pain and shame which we dared not confront.

If they are not uncovered, they will chain our hearts and

claim to darkness the pieces of our soul,

that were meant to be felt in pure freedom.


Only God can bring about this beautiful freedom.

Only His redeeming grace can turn the tortures of the devil,

into a soft, pure, feeling, living place of perfection on our hearts.

Only He can bring beauty from ashes, and joy from our mourning.

He can wipe the tears from our eyes, and sustain the laughter

in our lives. The memories of pain are given purpose

and redemptive beauty… only through His love.

The memories of joy will never again be used to bring

tears of longing, and the sorrow of unretrievable moments.

Instead there is thankfulness, and expectancy

for every new and intimate way He shows His love.



My heart has been aching. I can literally feel the pain in my chest.

My spirit has been weeping, crying out for relief.

Things once beautiful have become torture,

like a mirage in the desert to the eyes of one parched.

My heart groans as pain once buried is yet again

thrown against me, wave upon wave of heart-break.

Blessings become curses, and curses are relived.


Did I so quickly forget the one who rescues?

By His Wounds we are Healed.

By His Grace we are Saved.

Father, hold me.


“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.


He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.


Trust in Him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to Him,

for God is our refuge.”

– Psalm 62:5-8


His love is better than life;

I will sing in the shadow of His wings.

I claim my rescue,

and fix my eyes

on the One who knows me and loves me.


” ‘My grace is sufficient for you,

and My power is made perfect in weakness.’ “


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Take my empty Hand

August 9, 2009 at 1:38 pm (Uncategorized)

How did it come to this?
So soon.
Barely there, and now abandoned.
For now.
A heart that’s changing, longing
For a different heart.
New beginnings
What will be the ending?
A sacrifice for something better
But what?
How will it end, where will we be?
Awareness is acute.
Like an electric wave, your every move.
Your eyes. I want to see them.
But my own are bound by will
A will for something better
For us both.
God, give me strength.
You told me today, to see it through.
I trust. And yet fear.
I am lost, no anchor.
Just You, Jesus.
Take my hand. I am afraid.
Like a child in darkness.
But You are my light.
I will not fall.
To know you better, to be in love
With my Creator
To find this love, before I look
For the next.
I am afraid, Jesus.
I am alone.
How can You fill me?
I will find out.
I will seek Your embrace.
Until I know my love for you
Is Greater.
Then will my love for all,
Be Greater.
Then I will be the one,
before I find the one.
Hold me, Father. I trust in You.

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